It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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