I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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