Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He passed out mid-signature
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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