My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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