I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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