You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
