Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
