Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
