worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
