I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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