She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
