You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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