....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
