i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
