we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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