Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
