Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
