dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
