I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
