Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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