I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
