Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
