there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
