best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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