i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
