Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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