Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
