3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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