it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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