bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
