just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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