So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
