Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
