Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
