Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
