The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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