Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
