Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
