my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
