If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
