Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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