I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
