i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
