you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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