Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize