im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
