i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i was born a porn star she said
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
