Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
