It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
