dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
