I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize