You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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