I hate all girls vehemently.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
