After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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