I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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