I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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