It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
