Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
