I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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