there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
