every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I enjoy the company of your penis
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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