are you still at the devil's house?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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