unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
