I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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