Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
